'SPECIAL'

Children are special. When young they love us unconditionally and we love them back the same way. We care for them and coo over them even when they annoy us. We strive to give them everything and make them happy. They are beautiful even when not classically beautiful. Their innocence is palpable. They are a little piece of us. My question then is, if children are special and accorded the love, care and level of comfort they require; then why are 'SPECIAL' children reviled? Is it because they don't conform to the advertised norms of society? Who made those norms and are they fair?

What is interesting about 'SPECIAL' children is they remain special all their lives. What I mean is they retain those special qualities that I admire. They are loving even when affection is not something they can show, they are loyal, they are curious, they are funny, and they have joy. It might not be joy as we understand it, but it's a childlike joy that never leaves them. I work with 'special' children. The small ones - kinder, first and second grades. I love my mini-cohorts in crime.They think I'm goofy. They love to tell me stories whenever there is a pause in my sentence, they don't get that I have to breathe sometime. I don't care if they interrupt me because what comes out of their mouths is often inspirational. Their conversations are convoluted, quirky, bizarre tales of something completely irrelevant to what I am teaching. And yet they still tell a better story than I do.

I could never teach so-called 'normal' kids. With all of their hang-ups, attitude problems, tattling, and hitting I'd be hiding a kid-strength tazer in my pocket and using it way too frequently. I think the normal kids could learn a lot from my kids; for one thing compassion. They are at the bottom of their class, they get yelled at or 'spoken to' frequently - they're too slow, too fast, talking, not following directions, not in their seats, in their seats when they shouldn't be, working on the wrong project, losing projects or pages, or homework. They get pushed to the back of the class to work alone and suffer unbelievable humiliations from students and teachers alike. Everyday my kids hear this negativity directed towards them. Everyday my kids self esteem goes further down into the toilet. This makes eighty percent of my job confidence building, twenty percent teaching the subject. My job is to soothe, to stroke the ego, to let them know they are special in the other way, that they are worthy of love and friendship. That they are smart. That to work slowly is to work carefully, that all people make mistakes and that no one is perfect but everyone has a special talent. I make them happy. Some things may come harder to my kids but they are so much more appreciative than the other kind of kid.

I love my job, and I'm damn good at it too. I rush to school every day to see my guys. They confirm in me the goodness of the world. I teach the fundamentals of reading and writing, my job is to get them up to grade level. I've got a great track record. Why? Because I also teach them the fundamentals of life as well. Again, that nobody's perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and if you don't make mistakes you will never learn anything new. Mistakes are a requirement. This makes for some interesting times, especially if I make a mistake. They take great joy in seeing me hang my head in shame. It also shows them I'm right, and they sit up a little straighter. They feel good about themselves. I tell them how smart they are, I reward them with kind words and prize tickets and lollipops. What I am asking them to do is very difficult for them, they really earn those rewards. There are no negatives allowed in my classroom. No one gets yelled at, they get redirected. I explain the rules of life, if you are nice to people they will be nice to you. Sadly, when I say that I know in my heart for them it isn't true. They could be as nice as pie and someone out there will always have a negative comment to make, or see them as the perfect victim. The will be called stupid and retarded. So self esteem is really my goal, maybe it will protect them in the future. Reading is secondary. Teachers often tell me that the students I pull from their classes have improvement in behavior before they have improvement in skills, and their skill level always goe up. That's the order it has to work in. If they feel good about themselves, they feel they can do anything. The develop pride.

I have a son, he's fourteen and has ADHD, he is 'SPECIAL'. This is where I learned how to teach. He is not allowed to use his ADHD as a crutch or excuse. He knows he needs to adapt to the world because it won't adapt to him. He is a straight A student, he's been flying an airplane since he was ten, he's come in first in Social Studies in an academic decathlon and knocked out the eighth graders when he was in fourth grade during the National Geographic Geography Bee. He was accepted to high school with honors and will be taking Japanese. He won a science scholarship to high school. He's got a great sense of humor, very sarcastic, and is lucky he's not dead because he's also a practical joker like his dad. This is what a 'SPECIAL' kid can accomplish. He still sleeps with a stuffed animal at night. He still needs his night-time ritual, a kiss and his hair stroked. He's still cuddly like a much younger child would be, he has some problems relating to peers because he is not as mature as them, but he rocks. Hopefully I have brought something positive into the lives of these 'special' kids like I did with my son. I just give love. My guys have made a real impression on me, that's for sure...they make me feel 'special'.